There's some really good value in the comments above, particularly trying to put yourself in the shoes of others and the questions listed by Alex. I'd also pay attention to cultural differences if you're working on a multinational team.\
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For many of us, empathy does not always come necessary. In this case, you can try to systemise things by treating it more like an experiment. Start by putting yourself in the shoes of others - this requires a bit of guesswork at first, but over time you will notice that certain behaviors get certain reactions. Over time you should see patterns - not only within individuals but within different types of people. 

For example, you may notice you get better results from person A when you are more direct, whereas with person B you may need to use more tentative and indirect language.

As we're dealing with people this isn't an exact science. However, by trying to see things from another's perspective and trying different approaches, you'll begin to get a better feel for what works.

And of course - if you really want to know what works for someone - ask them - I do this all the time in both personal and professional relationships and it can work wonders.

Communication Coach @ Silicon English

Ryan Alexander Wiens

Great question. This is a concern I have seen from many software engineers, especially as they move up in their careers.

A couple of things to pay attention to:

- **Start with listening:** 'Giving your ear' is essentially a gift and people are far more often to listen to you and your ideas if you've listened to them. This also makes sure you are on the same page.

- **Build relationships:** people tend to listen more to people they like.

- **Think about your audience:** if your speaking to less technical stakeholders or juniors, your language is going to be different than when you speak to experts in your field. Use different language (less technical) and use analogies to bridge what they already know and what you want them to know.

- **Use frameworks:** templates and frameworks for writing and speaking are a great way to start. The more you use them the more natural they will become. In general this means starting with your main point and giving the details after.

- **Practice:** None of this is natural. If it were we'd all be great communicators from birth (we're not). Joining speaking groups like toastmaster's or working with a coach can help you practice in a controlled environment. Think about video games where there's a training or practice area to practice the moves - it's much easier than learning the moves in an actual game.

I cover a lot of these points and more in this course:

[Clear Communication for Software Engineers.](https://www.jointaro.com/course/clear-communication-for-software-engineers/)