Feeling sometime hopeless and sort of scared - need some moral support

It's not necessarily a bad thing to be laid off several times: the tech job market has been very tumultuous the last few years. So the first thing I want to say is, don't be hard on yourself!!

What is more important than a specific layoff is your continued desire to learn and improve. The fact that you have such strong companies on your resume (Spotify and Netflix) already puts you ahead of 95% of other engineers.

Was there any consistent feedback across the 3 companies you worked at for areas of improvement? Usually, layoffs are random/indiscriminate, but there could still be a learning opportunity if you look for it.

Also, remember that your story is your story. So when you talk about your work history in the future, you can choose if/how you want to discuss the layoffs. You can't change what happened, but you can assign meaning to it.

I agree with Rahul about doing a retrospective to brainstorm what happened and how much of what happened was actually in your control. There have to be some lessons or takeaways that can help you in the future.

On the bright side, your tenure at Spotify and Netflix is reasonable. I've seen a lot of engineers bounce after 1.5-2 years at multiple companies, and it doesn't seem like it's affected them, at least from the outside.

I sometimes worry the years I spent at these companies are worthless, maybe I could have learned more if I had not been laid off.

I certainly understand I cannot undo my lay-offs,

Feeling sometime hopeless and sort of scared

I can assure you that you are in a good place for finding future opportunities! You should be able to get interviews at a lot of different top tier tech companies because of your experience.

Your experience is absolutely valuable. IMO, the brand alone from working at Spotify and Netflix is enough for you to craft a compelling story for your next interview even if you did not do much (which I strongly believe is not the case).

I failed a lot in the last ~2 years, and I completely understand your frustration as it feels terrible to fail again and again. Besides retrospecting on what you could have done better which many others have suggested, my biggest advice is to not feel bad for yourself because this is life, mistakes happen, people end up in unlucky situations, and to be completely honest you probably will end up in more unlucky situations in your life.

The worst thing you can do is to believe these unfortunate events are a reflection of who you are instead of just being a minor bump in the road, and to not be ready for your next opportunity.

Like Rahul and Charlie said, I think it's a good sign that you're still hanging in there. All things considered, your case is on the better side given all the layoffs/turbulence over the past several years.

I graduated college in 2019 and some of my peers never recovered