Dealing with pushy recruiters

Recruiters are extremely high variance: some of them are a net negative to the company, while others are so effective at building relationships that they can attract amazing candidates simply through the trust they've built up over the years.

You're dealing with the first category of recruiter, which is unpleasant. But the recruiter being transactional/low-quality doesn't necessarily mean the actual company is low-quality. I would continue interviewing, but set clear boundaries on what you can commit to. I'll provide a few examples:

She gave me a weekend to decide whether to accept the offer or not.

When something feels rushed/unfair, the best response you can have is curiosity. Ask questions about why you're only given the weekend. Something like this:

I'm curious what the urgency is to decide this weekend? I spent the past 2 weeks getting to know the team. This is a big decision for me so I'd need at least a week to ensure I can fully commit.

Use a similar strategy for meeting the boss. That does seem like a red flag, it's totally natural for you to speak with the hiring manager before joining.

She insisted i meet with my potential boss at the office and do so only if i am 100% sure of accepting the offer.

You could say something like:

The manager plays a huge role in my day-to-day life at the company, so I want to ensure it's a mutually good fit. My goal is to understand the working style of the manager so we can prevent any misunderstanding -- how would you recommend doing that?

The strategy here is to be curious instead of combative. If you end up joining the company, you'll have a multi-year relationship with them, so it's in your best interest to keep things positive.

The other strategy which I tried to showcase above is to frame things in terms of benefit for the company. Obviously, having more time benefits you as the candidate, but it's your job to explain why that also helps the company. e.g. this will ensure you're even more committed to the long-term and will help you perform better.

I'm sorry that you had a negative experience with that recruiter. I've also had some negative experiences with recruiters being very pushy and disrespectful, too:

• Calling every 15 minutes and leaving tons of voicemails
• Making exasperated sighs whenever I tried to extend the offer deadline
• Telling me I made a huge mistake when I told them I accepted another offer

This was at the beginning of my career, and I was less mature back then, so their actions would really affect my emotional state. After going through the process a few times, you do learn to dissociate your emotions from their behavior.

She insisted i meet with my potential boss at the office and do so only if i am 100% sure of accepting the offer.

I probably wouldn't meet up with them unless I was trying to sell myself to them more, increase my total comp, or trying to extend the offer deadline further. Otherwise, it just commits you more into their company. Otherwise, psychologically, you feel like you have a deeper investment into that company since you've met with them in person.

Its been a week since then and i think i should have played this a bit more smartly. I should have said yes and continued to interview. Am i right in thinking this way ? Is there any other way to approach this sort of a situation ?

Make sure to avoid long, drawn-out phone calls where you are playing into their game. They have the upper hand on you because they probably make these calls multiple times every day for many years, so they are able to get so many reps and practice, and they probably have a playbook to sell every kind of person.

Try not to take anything they say personally and if you feel the pressure, just tell them that you are busy and have to run, but you'll consider what they said. Try not to say too much and leave things open ended. The issue is that no matter what you say, they've heard it hundreds of times, so they'll always be able to have a rebuttal for you.

The most important thing you can do is to have another offer because it will completely change the dynamics of the conversation. If you have the first offer, try to delay the offer deadline as much as possible so it lines up with when you get another offer so you can play them against each other.