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How to ask Principal Engineer to provide feedback in private?

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Staff Software Engineer [E6] at Meta11 days ago

I am a Staff Engineer and the principal engineer always gives me feedback in meetings. How do I politely ask him to do it in private or offline in chat?

The engineer referred me in the company and I think the intent is positive, but I feel threatened and embarrassed all the time. Also my credibility always goes to zero level. Key Points I would like to Keep in Mind:

  • Tone: Keep your tone appreciative and non-confrontational. The goal is to make it a collaborative request rather than a criticism.
  • Timing: Raise this when the Principal Engineer is not busy or in a meeting.
  • Be Open: Acknowledge their current style and express willingness to work together on finding a middle ground.

    What do you think about something like that?
Hi [Principal Engineer's Name],
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I really value your feedback and the insights you share during our meetings. They’ve been incredibly helpful in refining my work.

That said, I’d like to ask if it might be possible to provide me feedback privately or offline in the future—for example, via chat or a quick one-on-one. I find it easier to process and act on the feedback in a focused setting.

Let me know if that works for you, and thank you again for taking the time to share your thoughts. I really appreciate it!

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Discussion

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    Tech Lead/Manager at Meta, Pinterest, Kosei
    10 days ago

    Your proposal is great! I like this line especially "I find it easier to process and act on the feedback in a focused setting." This is an "I statement" that focuses on the benefit to you rather than the harm they are causing.

    One thing you could also consider is to get their lightweight feedback for certain high-stakes meetings ahead of time.

    For example, if there's a big decision/review meeting, it probably makes sense to spend 15 minutes beforehand to sync with the Principal Engineer to ensure that your understanding is correct. You can then hear the feedback before there's public confusion/disagreement.