How can I demonstrate a positive working relationship?

Question

I believe I have a good relationship with a coworker. My manager thinks we don’t. Should I ask the coworker to record a formal feedback that we have a good relationship, or are there other standard or recommended data points or actions for making this case?

Alex Chiou · Accepted Answer

This is how you cure misalignment:

Figure out exactly what the misaligned side believes (this is your manager) - Literally just ask them: "I'm curious, why do you think person X and I don't have a good relationship? Are there any yellow or red flags you saw between us?".
Use the information from #1 to provide the necessary evidence to correct their perception

To make things clearer, here's some example scenarios after you talk with your manager:

Maybe you had a falling out a long time ago over some tricky system design decision? In that case, you can show current design docs and technical review meeting minutes where it shows you and this other engineer collaborating happily.
Maybe they just never see you two meeting or working together? In that case, you can share your calendar and point out the literal recurring 1 on 1 you have with them.

Managers are extremely busy people. They miss stuff and get stuff wrong all the time. Not because they're lazy or mean or inattentive, but because being a good EM is insanely hard. So the onus falls on us as ICs to overcommunicate and keep them informed.

Here's 2 resources I recommend to help out here:

How can I demonstrate a positive working relationship?

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