Working With Your Manager Q&A and Videos

Hi,

I am not sure maybe I am going crazy but I think my manager doesn't want my growth. I have been at the company for more than 2 years now. My team was doing very basic stuff. Recently our team direction changed and we got interesting work. My manager was on vacation and that work is now led by some other engineer in the team. I didn't say anything. Also, time and again he tries to find fault in front of the whole team and he does with me only. How should I deal with him?

In my organization, there are SDE roles till level 4, and then on top of that, you become an EM. Many times, an SDE 3/4 (who is considered a technical lead) gives tasks or creates the sprint. But then when the junior engineer goes to an EM to show their work, the EM changes the entire approach or assigns vague tasks.

This impacts the velocity of the sprint. I do want to understand: How do I put it out to the upper management such that this doesn't happen? Also, should an EM make technical decisions in this way?

I'm at a company where we are migrating from AWS to Snowflake due to Snowflake's simplicity and cost savings.

The Team responsible for the migration and in charge of Snowflake is led by a guy who is difficult to work with. He's not unpleasant, but if he gets you on the phone, he loves to talk and take up a ton of time. I was literally on a call with him for 2 hours yesterday because he goes off on tangents and likes to hear himself talk. He also has a bit of an accent which makes it harder to understand him.

So he's a Director and leader of that team and I'm a Data Engineer on an adjacent team. As part of the migration to Snowflake, he had the company agree to license a piece of 3rd party software to move data into Snowflake. This piece of software is one that none of the Engineers in the department want to use: it's old, closed-source, no one knows it and is a dead-end on a resume. On top of that, I'm pretty sure it's completely unnecessary! I think Snowflake provides a way of getting data into it that works as well. The biggest thing is the cost! It's a whopping percentage of our cloud spend!

This director had a good relationship with the VP of my department (my former skip) who was the one who signed off on the 3rd-party software but recently left. I was discussing the situation with a colleague today and realized that since my former skip is no longer around, I could potentially make the case to my new skip, which could earn my plaudits. It's an easy way to save the company a pile of money every year (multiples of my salary).

So I'm thinking of doing a POC of how I can replace the 3rd-party. I mentioned this to my manager today, and he said we already have a 3 year contract with the vendor. I think he's resigned to the idea that we're locked in for 3 years.

If I can reproduce the functionality of the 3rd party software (just bringing in data into Snowflake), should I make the case to my new skip (who doesn't know me yet)? I'm assuming I should go through my manager first.

Should I try and share the credit with my coworkers who also don't want to use the 3rd party and would probably back me up?

Thanks!

A bit of context, I've read the EM videos on Taro, and I feel the one that I have is not on the same levels. They lack of many things. I fear to provide the proper feedback because my promotion and appraisal is on the line.

They got promoted from SDE 1 to EM because of the funding

1. I would recommend my manager to others?
   ~ For people management yes, for technical stuff no
2. My manager assigns stretch opportunities to help me develop in my career?
   ~ I don't really understand this question
3. My manager communicates clear goals for our team
   ~ No they don't, don't have any documentation, a system design decisions are made on ad hoc basis, team is not aware about the changes.
4. My manager consistently shows consideration for me as a person
   ~ yes people ops are good
5. My manager effectively collaborates across boundaries(eg team, org)
   ~ Nope, there are certain teams expecting the manager to steer the ship but since there is no planning many of the things are pending
6. My manager gives me actionable feedback on a regular basis
   ~ Nope 1-1 is there is no feedback for me
7. My manager has had a meaningful discussion with me about my career development in the past six months
   ~ Yep promotion and appraisal talks as I'm identified as top IC + team lead who is proactive
8. My manager has the technical expertise required to effectively manage me.
   ~ Nope, they lack
9. My manager keeps the team focused on priorities, even when its difficult
   ~ This they do but always the output has no value only there is a hype and fear to get things done, no business value is generated
10. My manager makes tough decisions effectively
    ~ They reorg the team only thinking them as a resource rather than how much context and individual has made in the project
11. My manager provides the autonomy I need to do my job
    ~ They do and then I plan it accordingly but when a junior goes to manager he changes the scope and context
12. What would you have your manager change?
13. What would you recommend your manager keep doing?

But, overall I fear to write what I wish to communicate to the leadership.

I believe I have a good relationship with a coworker. My manager thinks we don’t. Should I ask the coworker to record a formal feedback that we have a good relationship, or are there other standard or recommended data points or actions for making this case?

I switched jobs ~4 months ago and switched teams (not voluntarily) after ~1 month. My eventual goal is to (voluntarily) internally transfer into the AI org once I'm eligible.

During a 1:1 with my skip manager, I mentioned that my current team didn’t have much opportunity for impact. He floated a meaty project in a different org and asked if I was interested. Previous question . Let’s call this option 1. Afterward, I spoke to my direct manager, who presented opportunities in the other team that he directly manages. Let’s call this option 2.

Now I'm trying to decide between these options.

Pros of option 1:

• More technically interesting
• Platform/infra play that will eventually integrate with every single product => project has large scope

Cons of option 1:

• Not sure whom I'll work with
• Not sure how much support I'd get. (Good thing if lots of scope; bad thing if I'm flailing alone)
• Org structure tbd: although my skip asked if I want to work on this, he’s loaning engineers to another org to fund the initiative.
• Uncertainty re: how well defined the work is

Pros of option 2:

• I know there are things that I can start working on tomorrow that are time-sensitive and needed for an upcoming product launch.
• My EM manages this team and is responsible for the overall delivery. He seems to care more about this new project/team than my current team.
  • It sounds like my EM would rather that I work on option 2 than option 1
• Product surface is high-visibility and therefore affords opportunity for impact

Cons of option 2:

• I'm less interested in product / user-facing work, even though it's high-visibility

With all this in mind, does anyone have advice on which option I should pick or things to keep in mind?

Thanks for reading this far!

It's performance review time, and I want a nice raise and bonus just as much as anyone else.

Standard procedure for getting a raise seems to be making the case for yourself: keep track of all your accomplishments during the year so you can present them to your boss when asking for a raise/bonus. Simple enough. I'm prepping that list of things right now.

It's also been the case that this past year I turned down 3 offers that each would have paid me more than my current gig - between 20% and 40%. Now, even though I'm underpaid at my current gig, it's also the case that I'm compensated for that by it being super chill - no deadlines, lots of latitude on what to work on, a nice WFH arrangement (1 day in office a week), and pleasant coworkers.

My question is, do I mention that I got the offers in addition to mentioning the things I'd accomplished over the year? There's an element of "hardball" in that, but maybe it's not a bad move. I guess the phrasing of it is the key. So instead of saying "I've got other offers, give me more money or I leave", it's "I really like working here and with you. So much so that I turned down other companies that were offering decently more. Can you see what can be done to raise my compensation?"

Finally, I'm aware that the best way to ask for a raise is :
"I really enjoy working on this team. I want to do more to increase my impact and empower my teammates - What are the steps I need to take to get to that next level?"

How can I avoid being assigned a manager who is managing people for the first time? This happened to me and my colleagues multiple times and it was always extremely stressful and unpleasant to work with someone who is managing people for the first time.

I know this would never happen to a staff engineer or a tech lead, but I'm mid-level.

Should I ask to move to another team? What reason should I give for wanting to switch teams?

Every year, there's a mandatory compensation one on one with my manager. I find the session mostly informational and it's not really a bargaining / negotiation process. Usually when the compensation conversation happens, the performance review was set in stone a few months ago. There's limited things a manager can do.

What do you ask during the compensation discussion? The nitty-gritty of compensation of my current company is thoroughly discussed over different forums and there's more information over the Internet than what my manager could officially tell me. Should I just quickly close the comp one on one to save time for both of us?

In my 1:1 my manager praised me for not getting upset or defensive when a senior engineer managed to convince me and my manager to change which interfaces we are to read from for the project I am working on. To be clear this is a 2 month project on a microservice with a lot of data translation requirements.

He liked that I just kept a unfazed appearance and refactored the code in 2 hours. I even shared that as a win to him :). But I’m confused why I’m getting praised. It feels like I’m getting praised for breathing. I’m a mid level engineer by self assessment so lmk if I’m not realizing some nuance here. To be clear the technical proficiency is not what I’m concerned about. I’m just more confused about what’s so important about that behavior I got praised for.

I work in a high-growth, scaled startup where my organization builds revenue-generating platforms and forms small teams to create new verticals. However, we face challenges such as fast-tracked, inexperienced engineering managers (EMs) who disrupt work-life balance and often expect overtime or weekend work.

Feature requests are typically communicated via Slack messages or one-liners, with frequent status updates focused on completion. There is significant bias and favoritism, yet I can operate in such an environment. Although I know the best long-term solution might be to move to big tech or a more stable team, I’m seeking advice on how to behave in this current setting.

I avoid responding to negative remarks within the team because the EM’s typical reaction to any request is dismissive, suggesting that bugs shouldn't happen or that tasks should be managed independently. I was down-leveled upon joining this team from a similar toxic environment but have since been promoted to SDE 2. My senior, an SDE 3, also struggles emotionally, which makes me question whether this is common in leadership across companies of similar scale and situation.

How do you handle working in such an environment? I am currently taking a course on managing up, which seems relevant. I focus solely on my tasks and avoid reacting to negativity, which is appreciated, but I’ve stopped working weekends due to shifting priorities and deliverables. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Put on an exciting Staff level project for the last 6 months. Now, asked to make a tough choice - move out of Org or stay in current Org and give up scope.

Pros of moving:

• Scope: getting multiple jr level engineers to carry out the scope I created.
• Exciting product.

Cons of moving:

• Current manager turned down the scope expansion.
• Have built relationships within current team. Enjoy working with them (more familiar)
• Less depth AI/ML work but more product heavy (which is high impact as well but slightly less interesting from ML standpoint)
• Lots of unknowns with new team - unknowns beyond staff scope IMO

TLDR; What would others in the same situation recommend? From taro courses, Option 1 seems better. But there are unknowns especially with current manager refusing the offer.

This week has been hectic, transitioning from one organization to another, getting acquainted with a new boss, and diving into new projects. How have you handled this situation in your jobs? What has helped you, what has hurt you? I would greatly appreciate any advice on how to turn this situation to my advantage rather than letting it become a setback.

Hello. My manager asked me to come up with some initial goals for myself, some shorter term, some longer term, for our next one-on-one which is Wednesday.

We are also in the middle of a mid-year review process where my self-feedback is going to be an important submission.

This is going to be a bit of rambling and context but the overall question here is "what initial goals should I set with my manager?"

That was prompted by me bringing up a desire for more structure in our 1-on-1s after taking . I have since also viewed the Junior->Mid-Level Course. I started a document to track the 1-on-1 discussion/action items.

Some context:

• I'm 5 months into this job.

• It is a Senior SWE position.

• However I "feel" quite junior for three main reasons

  • Everyone else on the team is also senior or staff, and has been here for multiple years, often 3+ or 5+ years.
  • My previous jobs I was either junior or acted low-mid-level despite being senior on paper. I took tickets and worked and kept my head down. When I was given projects with larger scope/responsibility, I struggled. In retrospect I needed more coaching/mentorship/course-work in order to learn to handle that scope/responsibility.
  • My previous jobs never took career progress or one-on-ones seriously, nor did I unfortunately.

The main areas for goals based on org eng. principles are: Leadership, Execution, Craft.

Based on courses I took I'm thinking my goals could be in the areas of: velocity, code quality, increasing scope of tasks, becoming subject matter expert in the domain I'm working on which other engineers will need to learn soon, speaking up more in meetings, demoing what I'm doing in meetings or on slack more, doing decent code reviews, mentor junior engineers (except we don't have any!).

I can also talk about taking advantage of company provided career mentorship program. Could talk about wanting to interview new candidates, which I'd like to do eventually.

The company faces significant challenges regarding quality and leadership, which permeate across various areas. For more detailed insights, please refer to this .

When the engineering manager lacks genuine skills and prioritizes people management over upskilling, promotions often favor those who conform and agree rather than those with genuine merit. I have encountered disparities in privileges, such as certain engineers receiving extended remote work due to vague health reasons while others face scrutiny for slower feature delivery without proper performance evaluations.

My current resolve to stay stems primarily from the promise of an upcoming appraisal, although the specifics remain uncertain. However, the lack of clear project direction for the next six months is making me consider leaving.

Despite this, I plan to stay for the next year, which is till April 25' - focusing on preparing post-appraisal for interview and system design. My strategy involves dedicating the last three months solely to working on the "the feature that can make me visible," and put bare minimum efforts, aligning my efforts with long-term goals in big tech opportunities.

Historically, my managers have never been willing to commit to a set of performance criteria (i.e. what it looks like to meet criteria, exceed criteria, or be promoted). They usually defer to company guidelines without specifying what I can do on my project that would meet their bar. I get it, as they want to hedge their bets and motivate me without committing to anything. My career has gone well anyway and I ultimately get good enough reviews and periodic promotions. However, I often get feedback that high performance or promotions require me to do things that I am already doing and including in my review. I do not know what else to do to get stellar reviews.

I have been asked to lead a large, risky, technically challenging project with a scope and time horizon significantly beyond my level. The project sounds interesting but like a huge amount of work and stress. If I take on the role, I would like to be rewarded for it. Whether successful delivery leads to a promotion is a big factor in my decision. My manager will not commit to what succeeding in this project means for my career.

In general, is there a way to get more concrete criteria and commitments from managers? In this case specifically, what should I do?

I want to highlight the good work a coworker has done for me by helping me out a lot and being really attentive and on top of things.

Per , I want to let their manager know. We don't have ThanksBot, so I'll be thanking via email.

Do I CC my peer, or just my own manager in my email to my peer's manager? Or do I address the email to my peer and CC their manager and my manager?

Thanks!

I've been working at this company for almost 2 years now and we recently started doing kick-off calls for big features. Before this, management would come up with features in private meetings and assign engineers tickets. We expressed our frustration with this approach so management started doing "kick-off calls" recently but would only invite 1 engineer or 1 data scientist depending on who they think should lead the feature/project. This is a 10-person company, and it feels like I have no room to be creative/propose solutions etc. I brought this up during retro and 1:1s with my manager and the answer I always got was "we don't want it to be a democracy" or "too many people/questions would drag the meeting longer than it has to" etc

I can understand this reasoning if it's a big team/company, but we're a really small team and it feels to me like they're not interested in hearing about other engineers' input, ideas etc at all. This causes me to think engineers are just here to do grunt work/grind. Am I being too cynical?

I'm debating between two teams in bootcamp. All else assuming equal, the hiring manager (HM) of team A is higher up on the org chain (Team A HM reports to X, Team B HM reports to U who reports to W who reports to X).

Should this play a factor in deciding between teams?

Hello I joined a new company as a senior swe earlier this month and have met everyone on my team but I'm new to big companies so not sure how to approach a skip level meeting?

The reason I'm asking is I've seen a lot of people and posts talking about skip level relationships.

1. Am I supposed to set up a meeting myself or wait for them to set it up?

2. Should I tell my manager I'm talking to my skip level ie his manager?

How do you build relationship with skip manager (executive) when you do not have any meetings with them and you are working remotely?

If I do carve out an opportunity, I'm also afraid that my boss might question why I am trying so hard to build a relationship with his/her manager given I have nothing shared to work on with the executive. If there was, I and the executive would be atleast in some common meetings where I would get the opportunity to build relationship and demonstrate impact.

Despite my seniority and recent promotion, I am being excluded from important meetings in favor of a younger employee who is a yes man and close to the engineering manager (EM). This employee, with less experience than me, has significant influence over the EM and is always considered first. This situation is disturbing, especially since our lean team has a Slack channel named product_name_planning_committee, which includes only the EM, tech lead, this employee, and two other product and business people, excluding me.

Though I am part of a common Slack chat with the tech lead, EM, and this individual, it is mainly for update requests from the EM. I fear my role may be at risk due to my introverted nature, despite my skills. I worry that my reportees will be reassigned, and I may be laid off. I've considered quietly quitting and changing teams.

I’ve requested to be included in meetings to feel part of the decision-making process directly to the EM, but he has still not called me to any of the meetings and even today did one without me. The rest of the team no longer sees me as a lead. This exclusion has left me feeling depressed and anxious about being removed from my position. While I was previously involved and got promoted, my reduced communication has led to my exclusion.

I’ve decided to focus on maintaining my self-respect. I no longer work late nights and offer family health excuses when necessary. I used to handle multiple roles, including writing code for others, filling QA gaps, and developing SDKs in different languages, but I no longer feel part of the core team or the engineering leadership.

Despite being fed up and feeling left out, I believe my skills are relevant and beyond what the role requires. How can I effectively navigate this situation and ensure my contributions are recognized?

Hi,

I've been receiving unfair remarks and treatment from my manager. Apparently he has decided I'm "underperforming" because he noticed I show up a few minutes late to meetings and don't post enough on Slack. I've also had two of my 2 tasks delayed, missing deadlines. He has suggested "monitoring" me twice a week, as in having two 1:1 meetings with him - going through my task list on Monday and again through it on Friday. I find this suspicious because I'm already tracking everything I do within the project's task tracker together with other colleagues on this project and we have 2 weekly meetings with progress made on every task where he's also invited to attend. The overview has always been there for him and I've always documented my work.

His remarks also go beyond the professional realm, calling me out as "too emotional", can I mention this to HR or is it not a good idea? This is the way he conducted the performance review as well, making statements like these that were not documented on paper. (I went to my skip manager to report him and did not believe me either that he made such remarks)

Thought about going to HR and presenting my version of the story, as I find his accusation/statements of not performing ridiculous. He is producing unnecessary stress which is counterproductive to me performing the tasks efficiently.

What do you think? Has this ever happened to you? What's the best way of defending yourself in this situation or how could I best protect myself? Could this get even worse?

I’ll be finishing my internship pretty soon and I think I feel like I’ve done a good job. I checked in with my manager every 2 weeks (didn’t check in with them for the past 3 weeks expecting this final conversation). Wondering what I should bring up with them in my last conversation with them? I am interested in a return offer (RO). What should I ask them about?